bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize