ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
