I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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