Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
