"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
