Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
