I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
