I'm laying in your front yard are you home
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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