My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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