the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
