please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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