It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
