i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
