omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
