Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize