I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
