i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
