I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
