There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Someone shattered a urinal.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
