the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
