I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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