Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
