Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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