Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
