My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Randomize
