I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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