You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
