OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
