Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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