The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
where are my eyebrows?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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