maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
