It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize