Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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