just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
