i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
