my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
