saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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