Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
