I think my vagina is haunted
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
