Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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