The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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