I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We need to rekindle our bromance
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
