Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
