OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
a search helicopter?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Can I color on your dick again?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize