P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
