I look better un-naked...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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