if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
