i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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