Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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