woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
