i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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