I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
