This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
