Who wears a wallet chain?!
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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