you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
