Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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