Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How naked do you want me to be?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
