Taylor Swift is so right about you.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
