I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
