it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
