im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize