Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
