you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
