she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
