I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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