Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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