i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
