We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
