Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
