I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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