if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize