The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we made out on top of his cat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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