mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
