It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
