I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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